All He Wanted to Know Was Whether Clyde Knew What Had Happened to His Lawnmower

Clyde was kneeling by the cinderblock foundation of the shed.  “Have you been feeding him at all?  Look at this flaking on the sides.”

“The old paint?”

“Seems to be ailing.  I’d recommend a good dose of lard and three-quarters-inch nails, just for starters, and keep that up for at least two weeks.  Probably hasn’t had his termite shots, either, am I right?”

“…it’s a shed.”

“Yeah, it’s a little cold up here for them, but they look so cute in the store and people bring ‘em home.  You inherit ‘em with the property, and then what can you do?”