Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Expert Consultant

“Invasive species,” said Bloughton.  “Like… well, I’m sure you know.  They get brought in, some by accident, some on purpose, God save us from well-meaning idiots.  They start breeding and nothing can stop them.  No experience, aye?  No natural defenses.”

“Right,” Felton nodded.  “And once the population hits a certain level, you get a boom.  The damn toads push everything else out, eat all the resources, make more toads, and move on.  Bloody exponential growth.  And then we thought, hey, why not ask someone who’s had experience with that sort of thing?”

Dracula frowned thoughtfully.  “Haff you tried biting them?”

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Seeming and Kind

Three others were already inside when he finally wriggled through the broken window.  He saw them huddled around the dark fireplace.

“Sorry,” he grunted.  “Didn’t know this squat was taken.”

“No, come on in,” said one, a woman whose hair might once have been blond.  “Warm yourself up.”One of the men held out an empty hand.  “Have a sandwich.  We’ve got plenty.”

He approached cautiously.  “There’s no fire, though.  No food.  It’s just empty and cold.  There’s nothing here.”

“That’s okay-eay,” the woman said, her voice skipping and slurring as her image fuzzed into static.  “Kind of appropriate, really…”

Monday, November 25, 2013

The Shape of the Future

Ellory waved a hand as they entered the dome.  Above them, a vertical sea of white rectangles shifted and turned in odd patterns, as if blown by intangible winds.  “Fifty thousand decks of Tarot cards, charged and polarized, coated with our proprietary polymer,” she said.  “The cards are sensitized to the shape of the future, and by watching the patterns approach, we can offer not only the most accurate but the most distant foretellings on the market.  As you can see-“

The gasps of the tour group made her pause.  Overhead, row by row, the cards were turning face down.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

A Tragedy in Three Acts

The phone rings seven times.  The woman stares at it.  She picks up the handset.  She puts it down.  The phone rings again.

The phone rings and rings.  The old man comes in from the left-hand side.  He shuffles in slippers.  The phone begins to creep away.  He will never catch it.  He is too slow.

The phone does not ring.  He has stopped at the last number.  The line clicks and goes dead.

The phone rings.  The house is a ruin.  Dust coats everything.  There is no handset.  There is no cord.  The phone rings anyway.  It cannot stop.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Phony Jokes Wee Half Herd

The Firstly Phony Jokes is: How mene aleans buzz it take chang a lite boob?!

Answering: Many!  The Jokes is that wee half no maths!  Yore people think that is phony!!!

The Second Phony Jokes! Is! Y did the A-lines cross thee rode?

Answering! I know not butter they shoed go back to there ware they come from@@

Lasting Phony Jokes is not a Jokes it is a Griddle

The Griddle is::: Have U R U no how it is working the lazy guns our Deaf Rays?


Hello tap tap hello wee R behind.


Friday, November 22, 2013

"Dragonslayer" at PodCastle

I'm a little behind the times, but I'd just like to note for everyone that "Dragonslayer," originally locked behind the cold paywall of IGMS, is now available as a free podcast at PodCastle

Give it a listen if you missed it the first time!  Come hang out with the cool kids on the Escape Artists forums afterward!

Reviewers raved about this story, calling it, "full of inconsistencies," "competent but not intelligent," and "not fully realized."  (But at least the forumites seemed to enjoy it, and *I* liked it, so there.)

And the Lonesome Breeze Blows

The wind had teeth, so when it rattled at the door, Lissa gave it a crust of bread to gnaw beside the hearth.  The fire crackled unhappily.  The wind chewed and stared at Lissa with eyes as wild and empty as madness.  Lissa ignored it and worked on her sewing.

The wind had claws, and when it had swallowed the last of the bread, it ran them down Lissa’s back.  She would not rebuke it, for none can tame the wind.

Later, the villagers came to investigate.  They found the hearth dark and the house empty.

Except for the wind.