Thursday, April 25, 2013

Unlocking the Beast Within: A Support Group for Special People

“I know it’s could be worse.”  Dutch scratched behind his ears, which flapped.  “But were-Dalmatian is so... specific.  Anonymity?  Ha!”

“I’d take Dalmatian over mosquito,” Bert whined.

“At least no one makes silver flyswatters,” Vern said comfortingly.  Vern was a were-raven, which was almost traditional. 

“Still hurts,” Bert muttered.

Vern turned to a rotund figure, who was staring at the cookie on his plate with the saddest expression anyone had ever seen.  “How about you, friend?  Care to introduce yourself?”

“Panda,” he said.

There was a pause.  “They only eat bamboo, don’t they?”

“Yes.”  The man stared at his cookie.


Don't neglect the giveaway! I'll select the prizewinner on Friday, and so far there's only one entrant...

Monday, April 22, 2013


The library was quiet.  Hushed.  Stifling.  The air was corralled behind concrete walls and pressed under the weight of years until it seemed to have the consistency of porridge.  Merely opening the door sent dust sweeping away in great gray clouds. 

On the shelves, the books slumbered, half of them grown so fragile that only the unbroken stillness let them retain their shape.  They slumped into piles of rot as as passed.

The librarian gripped my arm – not even those of her order would dare to speak here – and pointed down.

Footsteps in the dust.

Leading back outside. 

Only outside.


Don't forget the UFO giveaway!  And bonus news: the original UFO will soon be available at Barnes and Noble!  Only a hundred copies or so total, but still, that's pretty huge for a small press.  Shvartsman is some sort of minor deity of marketing.

Kickstarter for UFO 2 is still going on...

Friday, April 19, 2013

UFO 2 Kickstarter

Hey, guys!  The Unidentified Funny Objects anthology series is semi-officially now a series.  UFO 2 has a Kickstarter going, and it's running low on steam.  Head on over and check it out (and don't forget about the original anthology, too, which contains my story "The Alchemist's Children" among many more exciting attractions.)  It's a lovely book with great stories and very, very high production values.  I endorse it on just about every level.

To help generate some interest, I am hereby offering up one of my contributor's copies of the original for free.  Post a joke in the comments thread here to enter (or just post if you don't know any good jokes, but seriously, this is the Internet; you have all the jokes in the world at your fingertips somewhere).  I'll do a random drawing in a week and send that person a copy of the first Unidentified Funny Objects.

If you contribute anything to the Kickstarter for UFO2, even just a dollar, then I'll enter your name *twice* in the drawing.  INCENTIVES!


Thursday, April 18, 2013

Life Bursting Out All Over

The trees dances, their branches throwing up flocks of leaves that flew, spiraling on the breeze.  We walked down the street and the grass was waving and it tickled my legs and Kat laughed and laughed.  The cars shouted and the windows opened to breathe in the air and the pollen. 

It was springtime.

Then Kat stopped.  She clutched at my hand, tugged so hard it almost came off.  She pointed.  A leaf was drifting along the road, brown and curled.  Moving with the wind, not against it.  Just drifting.

“Look,” Kat said.  “Oh, look, the poor thing.  It’s dead.”

Monday, April 15, 2013

Coat Check

The coat was there when I started.  Green leather, ancient and ragged.  Every night, it’s joined by dozens of others.  Every morning, it remains, along with the inevitable left-behinds.  The other coats are eventually picked up by embarrassed owners, but not this one.

I tried asking about it.  All I get are blank stares.  Like they don’t even see it.

When you touch it, you can tell it’s not leather.  It smells like leaves and dancing.

I work hard.  I keep my head down.  I don’t want to lose this job. 

I’ll be here when he comes back for it.