He Who Undoes This Knot Shall Rule the Suburbs

Alex, it's time to put up the Christmas lights.

Yes, already.

I know you don't want to, but the kids look forward to it so much.  I'd do it myself, but I can't reach the top of the porch even with the stepladder. 

They're up in the attic, same as every year.  Where else would they go?

Well, it's a big, stiff, knotted string all piled up.  I'm sure it's tangled like crazy.  That's just how these things work.

Because that's how Gordie put them away last year.

Alex, hon, put down that sword before the kids see.  Honestly, dear...

The Insane

"How fast can you run?" asked the wolf. Its tongue licked out, once, twice. Red flesh, black nose, silver fur.

"I'm pretty fast," said the man. "I won races in grade school."

The wolf panted, eyes glinting. "You're not faster than me. No one is. How fast can you run, hunter?"

The man stood hunched, hearing the movement all around him. He shrugged. Something tinkled on the floor, bent metal. A dozen ears swiveled; a dozen eyes tracked it. The man held up the black grenade whose pin he had dropped.

"Let's find out," he said.

The grenade bounced twice.