Strange Charm

"Everything has a place," said the God of Gravity, "and that place is with me." It breathed in, and things began to fall.

"Look," said Newton, hurling himself in a wide arc to avoid the god's gaping maw, "I know you want to help, but you're only complicating things."

"I defy causality!" said the Quark.

"And that's very impressive," said Newton, ducking a hurtling rock, "but I need to focus."

The Quark bounced up and down vaguely. "Have you seen Higgs?"

"Okay, you... just... just go wait in the car."

The Quark cocked its head. "I've already always been there."

The Day the Ground Swallowed Love

Most politicians weren’t affected, but several celebrities – particularly artists and writers – were swallowed up instantly. For the majority, the new weight just dragged them down a few inches. One unfortunate woman was on the fifteenth story when the weight of all twelve of her lovers hit her; she fell through three floors and was declared dead on arrival.

In a lonely apartment, we found a bearded youth bumping gently along the ceiling. “Really?” we asked him. “No one at all cares for you?”

He shrugged, politely declining our assistance in getting down. We left him and waded outside and down.