I. The gun is always loaded.
The house was cold. It echoed. Even the rug was gone.
II. Grip; do not grasp. Never squeeze.
“Hello?” No answer. His skin prickled. Why weren’t the lights on?
III. Watch the sights, not the target.
It was too much house. He’d known that when he’d signed the mortgage. He had never realized exactly what that meant.
IV. Small errors become magnified.
He sat down on one of the remaining chairs and gripped his hair, tight enough to bring tears to his eyes. He needed an excuse.
V. Clean your gun afterwards. Proper care is essential. Happy shooting!
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5 comments:
ok, what the heck? this makes little sence to the average person...are you referencing something within your life? or is it supposed to make sence more than being a vague suggestion of suicide? and if it is that, it isn't very clear. AAAAA!!!
it could have been good...but it wasn't.
tival
It has nothing to do with my life, actually. I'm a fairly staunch pacifist and don't plan to ever own a gun (other than possibly for target shooting, which could be interesting.)
This is an experimental blog, in some ways. Sometimes I'll feel like being a little vague about things. I apologize.
I'm curious, however; how could it have been good? What would you have changed?
well, i would have made it more obviously the thoughts of someone suicidal, or of someone stalking the first man. The first thoughts or whatever feel different than the later ones, like someone who's trying to sneak into a house instead of belonging there, esp the way they were seemingly obsessed with the quietness and emptyness of the house. The last ones were more of someone who's, idk, gonna kill themselves or something. and then ur just confused, cuz it feels like there's two peeps in the house but there's no confrontation cuz there's only one. and if it was some kinda gun-to-house simile, well, that quite nearly passed entirely over my head, because of the way it seemingly focused on the person instead of his possession of the house. So it was just, okay, is it this or this or this and i'm just confused cuz i don't know which it was.
In a nutshell, i would have made it more certain whom-or what-the full subject of the comparison/allusion was. cuz seriously, the use of a gun&depressed person within the same para has u automatically thinking, SUICIDE! and the use of a large possesion&gun in the same para has u thinking, MURDER! not, gun=house. if that's what u were doing.
...i hope that made sence.
oooo! mizeris...sorry.
Well, it was never intended to imply an intruder or infiltrator.
Honestly, I'd left it very vague mostly on purpose. I preferred to leave it largely up to the reader to interpret the events. As written:
- The house is empty when it should not be.
- The man is very upset by this.
- Gun imagery hangs over it like the tang of powder smoke.
The full story as I was envisioning it and attempting to imply:
- She left him.
- He probably killed himself because of this.
It's more of a mood/tone piece than a narrative; almost more poem-like. I used to write quite a lot of poetry, though I tended more towards comical/narrative. Poetry is not entirely my gig, however, but the economy of words used can often be a helpful mental tool.
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