Thin Blue(shift) Line

The station was quiet, a heavy smothering silence that stifled every attempt to break it.  Parsons was cleaning his weapon.  Jutes was doing the crossword.  Tersico bounced a rubber ball rhythmically against the wall.

The phone rang.

Everyone watched, wide-eyed, as Sergeant Cluise answered.  "Yes, ma'am.  Exceeding the speed of light?  In Newtonian space?  Confirmed?  Oh.  Oh, I see.  You want your local police, ma'am.  We don't handle fraud.  That's right.  Only if the laws are actually violated."  He paused.  "Not very often, ma'am."

Cluise sighed and set the phone down.  The others slumped, and the silence returned.

Simple Machines

"Gravity doesn't stop. It's exponential," said Newton. "Everything is falling, all the time."

"I'm not!" said the Quark.

"You don't count," snapped Newton. "It only stops when the force is countered. You don't stand on the ground; the ground holds you up. And even that is illusory because whatever holds you is falling, too. What was it Archimedes said? A long enough lever and a place to stand can move the world?" For a brief moment, Newton tumbled headlong in silence and darkness. Or, for all he knew, flew perfectly straight. "It's the place to stand that's really the problem."

Strange Charm

"Everything has a place," said the God of Gravity, "and that place is with me." It breathed in, and things began to fall.

"Look," said Newton, hurling himself in a wide arc to avoid the god's gaping maw, "I know you want to help, but you're only complicating things."

"I defy causality!" said the Quark.

"And that's very impressive," said Newton, ducking a hurtling rock, "but I need to focus."

The Quark bounced up and down vaguely. "Have you seen Higgs?"

"Okay, you... just... just go wait in the car."

The Quark cocked its head. "I've already always been there."

Heisenberg's Uncertainty Legislation

The ship stopped automatically when the TDHiP signal bumped it out of subspace into the nearest empty zone. The red and blue lights flashed as the second ship docked and extended an airlock.

"Can you guess why I pulled you over?" the officer asked once the secure ship-to-ship link had been created.

"No, sir," Sheraton gulped.

"Mm-hm. Do you know where you were going?"

"Yessir. Andromeda, coordinates 3178.1543.0659," Sheraton said.

The policeman's face never moved. "I see. Well, enjoy your speeding ticket."

Enraged, Sheraton sputtered, "I'll dispute this!"

"I'd like to see you try," the cop laughed as he disconnected.